User blog:Gerald-XR-Donovan/Citadel Script

(Connie is in a forest, surrounded by zombies)

Connie: Shit! (A zombie grabs her but she stabs it. It falls to the ground.)

Connie: How many of these things are there?

(The zombies are getting closer when a few of them are shot dead by a man.)

???: Come on! This way!

(Connie follows the man for ten minutes to a hill, on the way they talk)

Connie: Shit, you saved my life back there.

???: Yeah. That... wasn't a good situation. I'm Elliot. Who are you?

Connie: Connie. Where are you taking me?

Elliot: Back to my group. Not including me, there are ten others. We went to the high school here. It was on top of a hill. There used to be more of us, but... Yeah...

Connie: People die. It's part of life.

(They arrive and climb up the hill)

Elliot: Welcome to our Hilltop Paradise, The Citadel. I'm Elliot.

Connie: Are you the one who's in charge?

Elliot: Yeah. We're all kids, except for one.

Connie: Why didn't he take charge?

Elliot: He didn't want the power. I was the next oldest and I have leadership skills, so, he appointed me as leader.

(They enter through the gates)

Elliot: There's Estella, sat on top of the wall. She's our lookout this week.

Connie: Lookout?

Elliot: Sometimes being on top of a hill isn't enough. We need people to keep watch for zombies.

(A smaller girl walks over to Connie)

Sherry: Who the fuck is this?

Connie: Uhh...

Sherry: Where did you find her? Was she bit?

Elliot: Sherry, we don't know if bites actually kill you. It might just be in movies.

Sherry: You sound like Gerald.

Connie: Gerald?

Sherry: The guy who nearly destroyed his fingers playing that fucking piano.

Elliot: Speaking of Gerald, him and a few others are going hunting right about now. Maybe you could help them?

Connie: Sure. Might as well make myself useful.

(Elliot takes Connie over to Gerald, Kenney, Swarfiga, Von, and Sophia)

Elliot: Here's our hunting party.

Gerald: Welcome to Sierra Maximum Security Prison. I'll be your Warden.

Elliot: For fuck's sake, start taking this seriously or no more dinner.

Gerald: Go ahead. (He flexes his arm muscles) I don't eat it anyway.

(Elliot leaves)

Von: Dickhead.

Elliot: I heard that, Paki.

Von: Racist asshole.

Gerald: Don't listen to him. Karma will bite his gigantic ass one of these days.

(Gerald loads his crossbow)

Swarfiga: He's so fat he got arrested for carrying ten pounds of CRACK!

(Gerald and Sophia start to laugh)

Swarfiga: (Swings his axe around) Oh yeah, this is my axe. I call it "Axel."

Gerald: Well, I'll own "Axel" after tonight's game of Chess!

Swarfiga: No fair! I don't even know how to frickin' play chess!

(They go outside the gates and start to kill zombies. Connie uses a bow to kill one of them.)

Gerald: Nice work! Could use a better weapon, though! Check this out!

(Gerald shoots a zombie with a crossbow)

Gerald: Pretty sick, right? My uncle gave it to me!

(Sophia takes out two zombies with her fists)

Gerald: Nice one, So-

(Sophia punches him in the crotch; he falls to the floor in pain)

Sophia: Oh shit! I'm sorry, I thought you were...

Gerald: Does a spicy boy say "Nice one, Sophia!"?

Swarfiga: Aww, poor Gerald. Sucker punched in the dick by a girl.

(Gerald sticks his tongue out at him)

Kenney: That's enough, guys. Clear out these zombies, find some animals, then we're going to the greenhouse.

Connie: What's Elliot's deal, by the way? He seemed alright when he rescued me.

Kenney: He's racist and a complete tool. Personally, I voted for Von as leader.

Gerald: Who Elliot bullies just for being Indian.

Von: Yeah.

Kenney: Given half the chance, I'd demote him straight away.

Gerald: Vote for Gerald suckas! Sunday is Chess night!

Kenney: We don't know when Sunday is.

Gerald: It's whenever we wanna play Chess!

(They clear out the zombies and then go to the greenhouse, except for Von who returns to the Quad)

Kenney: And Gerald, we don't want a repeat of last years corn incident.

Connie: Huh?

Kenney: Gerald and Swarfiga tried to turn our corn supply into corndogs.

(Swarfiga and Gerald laugh)

Kenney: Gerald, Swarfiga, you should probably step outside to... calm down.

(They do so)

Connie: What's his deal?

Kenney: Gerald's a complete fucking Kevin. (He laughs) But that's why he's my best friend.

Sophia: He also... (She bursts out laughing)

Connie: He what?

Kenney: There was this piece of shit in our grade called Michael. Used "Jew" and the N word as insults. He picked on Sophia a lot. Gerald has some kinda sixth sense for bullying. He'd run over to Michael and flip the fucker's desk over. Or just go apeshit and leave some nasty scars.

Connie: Jesus. What happened to him?

Kenney: (Silent) Doesn't matter. What matters is this. Sophia, get some shears.

Sophia: What about them?

Kenney: Gerald! Swarfiga! You can come in now!

(They enter)

Gerald: Kenneth Badass-Shaw.

Kenney: (Laughs) That your best, Gayrald Warren?

Gerald: Fuck, you got me.

(Gerald helps Sophia with the crops)

Gerald: The Green Thumb has come to assist you.

Sophia: Ah, yes. What would I do without the boy who got punched in the balls?

Gerald: Shut up.

(Sophia laughs. They finish and head back to the Quad with their food)

Gerald: My friends! Dinner... is served!

Crappy Doctor: Good, maybe we won't starve.

Gerald: Nah, you can just use 100% of your power to keep us alive another seven years.

Crappy Doctor: Actually, the only time I used 100% of my power was when I created myself.

Gerald: Oh, shit.

(Gerald gives him the bucket of food)

Elliot: About time. I'm fuckin' starving.

Gerald: Mmhmm.

(Connie sits down next to Gerald, Gabriel, and Sophia as they eat)

Gabriel: Is it true you punched Gerald in the balls?

Sophia: Yep.

Gabriel: Ha! No kids for you!

Gerald: Doesn't take a fist to the balls for me to not have kids.

Sophia: So, is it Chess tonight?

Gerald: Nope. Cards. Winner gets to ask another person a question. (Gerald winks at her)

Sophia: I know what I'm gonna ask. "How does it feel to get punched in the nob?"

Gerald: I could barely walk after you punched me! It's not funny!

Gabriel: (Laughing) Yeah it is!

Connie: So, who's this little guy?

Gerald: That's my... brother? Kind of? I've been looking after him since he showed up, but I'm obviously not old enough to be his dad. So I just say he's my little bro. Gabe, say hello to Connie.

Gabriel: Yo!

Connie: I noticed the graves at the hilltop. Who's buried there?

Gerald: ...No one. Some of our friends went missing a couple years ago.

Gabriel: James, Sophie, Erin, Kari... Holy shit, how many of us died?

Gerald: Too many.

Kenney: Well, Von, what's tonight's special?

(Von puts a plate of cheese on the table)

Connie: Is that...?

Von: Hey! You guys want any?

Gerald: World's gone to shit. People are eating other. Von's making cheese using powdered milk. And he says I never take things seriously.

Gabriel: What's a cheese?

Gerald: Cow shit.

Sophia: Gerald!

Gerald: C'mon, he's not that tool from Blur.

Kenney: Gerald! Are you ready for a card game?

Gerald: Yeah! Care to join us, Miss Connie?

Connie: Sure.

(Gerald, Sophia, and Connie sit at the table Kenney, Swarfiga, Elliot, and Estella are sat at.)

Kenney: What do you want to play tonight?

Gerald: (Smirks at Connie) Truth or Dare.

Estella: You don't use cards in Truth or Dare.

Gerald: Shut up! Gabe doesn't know that!

Connie: How does he not know that?

Gerald: He was only four when this shit started.

Gabriel: What's going on?

Gerald: Nothing. Go play with Luna or something.

Gabriel: Luna's mean.

Gerald: I know, but it's her or Elliot.

Gabriel: Oh, yeah. I'll go play with her.

(Everyone else sits down for the game)

Gerald: Rules are simple. You all get a stack of cards. We all flip one over. Highest card is asking, lowest is answering.